"When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on"

January 20th, 2009
2:38 p.m.

It's done, Barrack Obama has been "crowned" (I can't find a better word at this minute...) 44th President of the United States.
For Manu, (French activist and painter) - who called me a few minutes before I visited my friend Barbara-  it changes nothing in the state the world is in.
Bursting into laughter, I asked him if he wanted to put my morale to zero? (to demoralize me)
"No, I called to listen to your voice,  tell you that you're special and that i am happy to have known you..."

A little grave for me this declaration, Manu
I answered that we are all looking for our alter ego, him from me and me from him...

The stuffed tomatoes were good, Barbara loved them. I adapted a recipe from the book of Israeli Cuisine (Jana Gur) my new friend Kirk (American Ukranian)  offered me for XmasFor stuffed tomatoes baked in the oven, it was the first time I mixed rice with the grounded meat, as well as bread soaked in milk, minced in pieces with my fingers (a piece of advice offered by my friend Chouchou.

Work is waiting for me to edit all the pages of the magazine, rich in corrections and recommendations my friend Barbara just gave me.
When you are a French woman, it's better to have the advice of an American friend, of the highest intellectual level.
I read the "New Yorker" she gives me, and my vocabulary becomes a little bit more savvy, I learn more from Arts than my usual Time magazine.

A little nap before working? Why not? There is enough to eat in the fridge with different menus, I can concentrate on work non-stop until i am sleepy tonight. No more visit, my time completely belongs to me.

Voila, whatever Manu says, this day will be very symbolic, and has spread hope in the soul of many people. (mine included)
I think that the drawing from Mary Engelbreit  in my daily calendar with the words from Franklin D. Roosevelt are very appropriate in the state in which the world finds itself...
"When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on..."

Why do i let Manu in my vibrations as a man?
my heart is totally closed to any man, business comes first; i have learned from the experience with the Blackberry man last year.
the heart stories, the sex stories (I don't care how we call them) are a collective illusion, and right now i am not available to play the game!
My professional future, my survival are at stake, and nothing can distract me at this time

But Manu is the other Me I was at 33, (marveling about her power of creation), and to be at his side is like helping the Jicky of the past...

Second cup of coffee. The decisions at stake in my life are all important.
Please help me! Create other coincidences, organize my days for me, so that everything can fall into place flawlessly, peacefully, powerfully...
Slowly, after i eat my muesli, i am sure that my body will be able to help my mind to become effective at 100% again

Zuchero serenades me in Italian, coming from the kitchen, i am still groggy and fuzzy and this melody is perfect!

a huge revelation is hitting the depth of my cloudy mind (I worked until 1 a.m. last night)
Would I be as afraid of success than failure?
They both represent a profound change in the manner i work and live today

Yes but...

but i prefer the energy that fires me up when i  work every day; the long stretches of inactivity between two magazines incite to laziness, are demotivating, cut the flow of energy steered by a healthy feeling of ambition..
Ambition, for me, is the dream to get better and better every day, to give the best of oneself and to shout it to the world by one's actions.
Ambition, for me, is to be able to foresee better days, those that will be in total accord with me and my destiny..

So, let's face it  with eyes wide open and be real. I am afraid of change.
It's not the amount of work that keeps me back,  no hard work can scare me as long as i know that it is a work that i have chosen, as long as i know where the work and i are going
A routine job, from which i cannot see the impact, not for me, thank you.
Selling the freedom To Be Me for a precarious sense of security?
Security against what?
The refusal to change is as futile as the refusal to grow old.
To adapt slowly, without effort, to all the hazards of a human life, is, for me, the certitude (yes, the guarantee..) to be happy ad eternam

What Obama was promising in his speech, this human dignity piercing thru his purpose, i wasn't expecting less from a man who has the responsibility to be the role model of America -the country judged the most economically powerful at this point in time in history.

this serious guilelessness, i feel it with him. His dreams, i embrace them all..
If each individual touched to his core being could think: "Yes, I can!"
the planet, at the same second, will start a new course, an era of peace and love never lived in the annals of recorded history

Which remind me of the words of the Dalai Lama:

"If you want to change the world, first try to improve and bring change
within yourself. That will help change your family.
From there it just gets bigger and bigger.
Everything we do has some effect, some impact.

Awareness is the greatest agent for change.
Egoic patterns, even long-standing ones, sometimes dissolve almost miraculously when you don't oppose them internally.
If there is awareness in you, you will be able to recognize that voice in your head for what it is: an old thought, conditioned by the past. If there is awareness in you, you no longer believe in every thought you think. It's and old thought, no more. Awareness means Presence, and only Presence can dissolve the unconscious past in you.
With awareness comes disidentification from thoughts, emotions, and reactions.

Excerpts from "A New Earth" from Eckhart Tolle.

In Zen they say: "Don't seek the truth. Just cease to cherish opinions."
What does that mean?
Let go of identification with your mind. Who you are beyond the mind then emerges by itself.


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