lifeisaninnerjourney

"Getting in touch with your true self must be your first priority" Tom Hopkins Friday, December 11 7:50 a.m. In winter, the sun describes a different arc, allowing me this morning some shade while sitting on the front porch. A perfect alize (an East breeze) speaks about oxygen, fresh air and health. That's why i want to stay where i am, because it is a healthy choice, physically and mentally. Life would be happier, much more bearable if we could laugh at our shortcomings, our weaknesses, and accept things, people (and ourselves) the way we are. I'm carrying this collective guilt from our cultural consciousness: ° why don't i just settle for any job, pay the bills, scrape the rest of the money drop by drop, ° become less demanding about life and wait until the end of the financial crisis is over? I just can't. These words now come to mind: "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." Will i be parked in the driveway, waiting

A good word is like a good tree whose root is firmly  fixed  and  whose top is in the sky. the Koran

"The real voyage of discovery consist not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." Marcel Proust Wed Dec 9 6:10 a.m. The rain taps at the window like thousands of little impatient fingers, the strong eastern wind carries the humidity to my bones, deep inside. Leggings and long sleeve t-shirt have been taken out of closets, replacing the little silk tops of the summer. Yesterday, i brought my first painting home, Hope wants me to finish it. "little boats now and then, shining dots on the water, children on the beach, you could add a lot more details and give it more life, more interest, Jicky..." For now, i like it as it is, gladly surprised that i could paint at all. For me, the painting is whimsical, already beautiful, it's a miracle it is coming from me. I had such pleasure painting with Hope at her house! She would paint her own compositions, cleaning house, while i would dash paint as my imagination saw it fit. "Folk Art, you

"The best way to predict the future is to create it" Peter Drucker Thursday Dec 10 6:30 a.m. Mood: Happy, listening to Sheryl Crow My "work" was all over the floor, awaiting me in the kitchen. My first painting twinkled at me with mischief: "Would you add lovers under the flamboyant tree and boats in the sea? one or two birds in the sky may be?" "I don't know, so far i like you the way you are, untouched by human presence. May be i should paint you over again without the trees, place umbrellas and lounge chairs on the beach, and a bunch of roads and houses in the mountains? But, can we really live without the touristic development? We could, at least, do a better marketing. At least! We have empty buildings, empty hotel rooms, villas, condos and apartments, we're ready for business and no business has seen us." 9:55 p.m. After a little bit of surfing News channels, Hope and i watched: "Julie and Julia", from Julia

"Every artist dips his brush into his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures" Henry Ward Beecher  Thursday October 22 5:38 p.m. Today Candy and i were "playing" and we both liked it a lot. First, i etched my mother with charcoal, adding 2 touches of red first with her 2 earrings then her mouth. By looking at the portrait upside down, i could see an Asian woman, tall and elegant, with full hips and a long embroidered dress. The garland on her dress reproduced exactly the one on the photograph. My mom was picky with details, so it is in paying attention to details that i honor her good taste. My second practice was to cover two already painted canvases, so i could have the "feel" of painting. Hope gave me two old oil paint tubes with turpentine and linen seed oil in which i could dip the brushes. For the first canvas, i tried to mix the white, the blue, the oil and the turpentine before i placed them on the canvas For the second

"Only in quiet waters things mirror themselves undistorted. Only in a quiet mind is adequate perception of the world" Hans Margolius Wednesday 2 December 7:44 a.m. Perfect morning walk with Ray Charles, reaching a little bit further down the road. slowly, endurance is setting in, building up one walk at a time. in 3 weeks, i'm good to go to the end of the world... and back lessons from my children received lately. good! we need to communicate the truth to each other, the truth about how we feel. chatted with my artist friend Leila, who said: "you chose your life, your freedom all along, you have to keep on keeping on creating."

"To Thine Own Self Be True"  i can't possibly continue to write a Journal on paper at the rate of one diary per month, at the cadence of my moves, with 28 new homes in 3 different countries, this is too much to carry  if life is an inner journey, i can write mine on the web, spreading the little seeds of wisdom acquired along the way an artist wants to create and share her visions with an outer public, an artist's duty is to become the medium, the instrument played by the wings of inspiration visiting her nothing exists if there is no awareness of beauty through the eyes of the beholder Thursday 26 november, 2009 5:46 a.m. Woke up at 3 o'clock with a serene and trusting mood. Reassured, i went back to bed for another sleep's cycle. when i am in full creative mood, waking up at 3 a.m. does not pose any problem, i even have sometimes the impression that it helps me to soften time, and that this time i live before dawn, before people and animals awak

Tuesday, December 1 7:13 a.m. Short 20 mn walk, brisk and more powerful than a week ago when i started this morning routine all over again. Still, no daily yoga but that will change soon. I do not know any other effective method to build up muscles and endurance, gradually but powerfully. Reaching physical balance teaches patience, endurance and determination. It is an exercise in active meditation. Internal and external senses are honed until the power of living in the Now becomes second habit. Each second of life becomes a living prayer, as "now" is the best (and only) time to be totally happy and content. Sometimes (many a time), fulfilled by the beauty of nature around me, lungs filling up with new, fresh air at full capacity, my mind takes stock of where i am right now, memories of similar walks come to mind, revealing wells of wisdom, assurance of my worth i did not grasp before. this lonely life may seem straining at times. the want for a public, a family surr

The winds of Grace are always blowing; But you have to raise the sail. Sunday, November 30 I'm waiting. Not really graciously or eagerly, wagering between big hopes, anticipation and despair. People cannot understand how i can keep smiling, looking happy and healthy, not desperate as they would be, faced with the same situation of lack. I don't lack the sense of beauty i constantly witness in my life. The singing of the birds still tear at my heart with their sweet and joyous melodies. The lush green brought by the raining season after a long drought with the dust reigning supreme is enchanting my photographer's eyes. gratitude is the spice of my every day. i seem to have lost interest in the daily affairs of life, my eye looking at numbers on bills keeping their monthly rhythm as if nothing had changed in this reality.

"It's not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere" Agnes Repplier Monday 30 november 7:51 a.m. Just finished reading the book: "A thousand splendid suns", from Khaled Hossini. Daunting, beautifully written. The story of these two Afghan women was incredible to hear of. We, in the Western peaceful countries, we have the luxury to demand civil rights. Women in these war countries have no right at all. Like furniture, they are used for a very perfunctory function. They are owned by their husband.  It shames me to think that I have been complaining about not finding a job in my specialty, fulfilling all my dreams, while women somewhere in the world are born without dreams of their own.  It shames me to think that i consider myself a writer, knowing that i will never be able to write this type of masterpiece. today i am humbled at other writers' achievements, dubious that i can match their own talents. And it

"A man must carry knowledge with him if he would bring back home knowledge" Samuel Johnson Saturday 28 november 7:22 a.m. Artist's Date last night, watching Ray Charles with my friend Hope. morning walk with Ray on the iTouch. i've made progress, my stance is more and more powerful. walking on this edge allows me to test my balance and my sense of awareness. my legs and my entire body like this! walking is a pleasure and a privilege, i'm falling in love with it again, goodie! brought the Nikon D40, one good shot of the gate of the neighbor's villa. The sun was here, giving a sense of depth and volume to everything the shadows touched. amazing what difference a day makes! in my outlook on life. everything switched.

"There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple..." The Dalai Lama Friday, 26 november At this morning's meeting of the new Artist's Association Anguilla is creating, I met a young architect conveying a sense of strength of character and knowledge of his profession- it's almost as if his words describing the importance of trained architects were conveying a higher meaning, able to rock people into consciousness. An educated revolutionary mind for this small country, able to effect change. Matt, the young architect, was talking about rising the degree of awareness of quality on this island. I mentioned it was the toughest part. How do you generate an awareness where there is seemingly no need for it? How do you interest people about something they have no sense of acknowledgment? Matt said he is preparing a coup. I sincerely wish him success with it!

"Our lives improve when we take chances... and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." Walter Anderson Nov 11 Marc was asking me yesterday: "What do you really want to do with your life?" " I want to heal people. I want to be useful, and if my photos, my words can bring beauty, I teach them how to appreciate happiness. Also, I had studied a therapeutic method originating from England: "The Bach Flower Remedies". I would love to help people with these flower essences, what do you think?" "What are these medication made of? They will verify all your whereabouts, afraid that it could be some type of drug." "Well then, individuals could just buy Dr. Bach's books and administrate the remedies they would need. But there is a whole philosophy behind these flower essences, and that is to treat the mental state before it degenerates into an ill-ness." "There is no

"The only thing you've ever really had is yourself" M.F. Wednesday, 11 November Yesterday i painted some "bride's tears", these little pink flowers growing everywhere, whose leaves are shaped into a perfect green heart. in front of me, through the clean windows, the sky is offering a dawn with the pink and blues I used to see so often while living at the Cove. Nature is teasing me into dreaming again... The pink has become orange with sparkles of gold... engorged black clouds fill up the other spaces in the sky, a light breeze sends chills into the leaves of the baby avocado tree... I plant trees for the future, to place in the sanctuary I will one day call home. 12:20 noon Didn't go out the whole day. I hibernate...  clean house, eat very healthy, sleep, read, think thoroughly before jumping in any type of action. In which type of situation am I diving in? Where does this action bring me? For how long? Weeks, months, or only a few

"In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed, it must be achieved." Franklin D. Roosevelt Clic. Declic. Something clicked in my head. The timer of Time. Everybody is hurrying around me, running in all directions to catch up with time, save time. Time, I have plenty of it. Which is freedom. The passage read on health in the Seth's book bothers me a bit. According to Seth, a person who does not believe in his/her intrinsic value will develop a dis-ease. But a change of belief will have instant healing power. Change the belief system and you'll change the nature of your reality.                                                   Your only point of power is Now.

"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother" Oprah Winfrey My friend called me from SXM, "Don't come today, Marigot is closed, the young people are throwing eggs on the shop windows and annoying tourists; in protest, business people have convened to close down and are televising everything  to  go to the national News and influence the French Government." A teacher here is telling me it could happen also in Anguilla, the youth is tense, violent in imitation of what they see on t.v. (not really deep down), body motion is showing those attack positions mimicked from too many serie B movies.   Our fault, the parents, since we bought their console games and have been using t.v. as a baby-sitter since two decades The world of excess consumerism is proving to be impossible to carry on; it created lives empty of signification, stamping on spiritual values, and all social stratas are concerned- but the poorest are again poorer, incapable to secure the

To leave or to stay? I look around the house, trying to find something discordant to my eyes, nothing found. I take the picture of the bed in B&W, trying to read doom and gloom in it, to only find another sense of beauty.. Lord Chesterfield , Letter to his son "Those who travel heedlessly, observing only their distance from each other, and attending only to their accommodation at the inn of life, set out fools, and will certainly return so." I can't see another reason to leave but the one to make a better living somewhere else. Live a better life? I don't think so. Where can I find this privacy, this peace, this total blending in nature Where will I be in a middle of the countryside then a 5 mn car ride from total silence on a beautiful beach? Where will I find friends  to count on both hands? Where will I see the sky like a dark coat of stars every single night, with no neon light to compete with them? Where will I hear: "Don't lea

"the goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature"  Joseph Campbell Monday Oct 19 6:05 a.m. The fear of abandonment (known in my childhood) comes back to titillate me against my will. but at 54, are we as vulnerable as at 5? At the age of 5, I needed a family to give me a sense of identity, I was afraid of the unknown that life represented. At the age of 54, Journal after Journal, emotions flooding blank pages, I recounted, day by day, the track of an artist life, a creative gypsy, to arrive at the following conclusion: I am still alive. Who I am is contained in a body of 48 kilos, with salt and pepper hair and glasses on the rim of my nose. And everything is serene around me despite my inner hurricanes. Nothing has changed here in Anguilla, my corner of paradise has not been too affected by the overbuilding of tourism in the villages around me, far from the coastal side. The fact that there are mo

"Art is a harmony parallel to nature" Cezanne Friday October 16 8:57 p.m. Am browsing through "Heal Thyself" by Dr. Edward Bach (again) and feeling a little disconcerted after comparing it meticulously with the report of the Health Plan President Obama is proposing (without forgetting my research on France's Social Security) These three "programs" are totally contradictory. Dr. Edward Bach calls for self-responsibility and the profound knowledge of Oneself in order to prevent dis-ease , by addressing untold burdens before they start manifesting themselves out in the body with the taking of a few drops of flower essences, costing $10 a bottle Heal Thyself is his message. The National Health Care plans enclose the citizen in a system of state information (which i have always refused to comply) But the right to health for all is a winning horse, it must become universal.   What right? The right to be handed out medication?  the righ

"The road of life can only reveal itself as it is traveled; each turn in the road reveals a surprise" Anonymous Friday 16 October 6:24 a.m. Where does time flies so fast? ° only a few minutes ago I woke up at 5:55 ° Started the water boiling and went to pick up the clothes washed last nigh ° By the time I came back to the kitchen, the cat and the chicken had already eaten, and the water was hot. ° Light a votive candle in front of my mom's Buddha, bring the cup of coffee next to me beside the computer, and 30 minutes were already gone... No wonder i reached 54 in the blink of an eye! In Anguilla (which i would consider as the microcosm of the world, evolving at the speed of the macrocosm of the bigger world through the virtual world), what I have been witnessing since the past 7 years has been the crisis of a spiritual identity. an erosion of moral standards all happening with the ever presence of Blackberry, Facebook, twitter, flickr etc. it is p

 "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got" Janis Joplin Thursday October 15 6:25 a.m. I thought, for a very long time, that all men and women were born equal. i found out that i was wrong ° there is a privileged class enjoying nutritional wealth, helping the growth of the brain on the same prorated basis that the one of the body ° there are the undernourished, from whom are requested a strenuous physical regimen during childhood or the teenage years, labor too disproportionate with their strength i think (and it is only hypothesis) that at a certain moment when physical survival demands more energy than necessary from the growth hormones, that the mental stops dreaming (creating) its life and incorporates (by default) the dogmas of religion and the cultural ancestral laws of the clan it can be talked into believing anything, so long as it is not responsible of the decision. i believe that today the teaching methods of Montessori and Waldorf

Tuesday October 13 In the words of Dr. Edward Bach : "To struggle against a fault increases its power, keeps our attention riveted on its presence, and brings us a battle indeed.... To forget the failing and consciously to strive to develop this virtue which would make the former impossible, this is true victory." "Don't make excuses Make good" Elbert Hubbard

"The traveler's eye view of men and women is not satisfying. A man might spend his life in trains and restaurants and know nothing of humanity at the end. To know, one must be an actor as well as a spectator" Aldous Huxley Thursday October 15 6:25 a.m. A big thunderstorm has started, the  rain entered by all the open windows, as for me, i just went back to bed. for somebody who is supposed to leave at the end of the month, i have touched no suitcase and made no box yet. in doubt, don't do nothing. just rest- sleep will bring the answer somehow. another business relationship entered with full faith and ending doubting myself. what's wrong? is spirituality compatible with self-preservation? or is it annihilating every chance to survive in the business world of today? mostly what i have to offer as a consultant is a human relationship: i am an exceptional confident, a friend with whom you can speak your language freely (figuratively and ethnically), wi

"When you feel fear, bring back your attention to your highest objective. Imagine yourself at your peak performance, surrounded by beauty and friends" James Redfield Growing old, it is to remember the memory of a past full to the rim. It is to call to mind experiences that should have led to wisdom, to the mastery of our life. it is to know Oneself, irreverent to the public opinion. Did i grow old well? Did i manage to establish healthy limits for my peace of mind? do i follow my own advice or am i still lying to myself? ("Do as i tell you, not as i do")

"In an age of information overload, synthesis is what matters" Sunday, October 11 6:44 a.m. Analysis of a pain, to understand who she is and how to appease her, and heal her. she is like a shadow overcasting my joy of life.. the pain emanates from the neck, and chooses to overflow on the shoulders. It can be either joint pain or arthritis let's choose my own interpretation, without being influenced by anybody from the outside world. man's judgment will be simple: i am sick of a disease to which they will declare war! The actual debate on "Health Care" in the United States occupy the headlines of every printed newspaper, on tv, on radio and in the blogosphere. is it the responsibility of a government to insure the health of all its citizens? some are adamantly against the idea, saying that it will infringe on the civic freedom of every citizen, arguing that we will all be on file and represent only numbers (the policy state of a dictatorship)

"In times of doubt and strain, there is another phrase worth using: "I am grounded in my spiritual purpose, there are no emergencies" Julia Cameron Friday October 9 My entire spine is hurting, for having sat too long stretches at a time, over the months (and years?) The world in which we live, glued in front of the screen of a computer, is not a world allowing us to keep a strong body if we do not practice some kind of daily physical exercise. Yesterday, Hope was remarking (accurately) that the hype of cellular phones and especially blackberries will start a global health concern in the form of carpal tunnel syndrome (typing all day long on a miniature keyboard). Witness of a civilization trapped by a world of machines (Aldous Huxley comes to memory), i can't seem to find a solution to escape from it myself. Refusing to confront a logical reality,  preferring to choose to overlook everything as if daydreaming, i am trapped by my dreams, following them