an artist

Tuesday, December 1
7:13 a.m.
Short 20 mn walk, brisk and more powerful than a week ago when i started this morning routine all over again. Still, no daily yoga but that will change soon. I do not know any other effective method to build up muscles and endurance, gradually but powerfully.

Reaching physical balance teaches patience, endurance and determination. It is an exercise in active meditation. Internal and external senses are honed until the power of living in the Now becomes second habit. Each second of life becomes a living prayer, as "now" is the best (and only) time to be totally happy and content.

Sometimes (many a time), fulfilled by the beauty of nature around me, lungs filling up with new, fresh air at full capacity, my mind takes stock of where i am right now, memories of similar walks come to mind, revealing wells of wisdom, assurance of my worth i did not grasp before.

this lonely life may seem straining at times. the want for a public, a family surrounding, the drama created in personal or sexual relationships are called back to create a sense of normalcy
at those times i just want to belong to the reference of  billions of other people on the planet, and yet i know it is hardly possible for me to live like them.
been there, done that.
evolution asks for more.

my calling is different, my fate aims to be created custom-made.
boldness is required to be a trend-setter, an eye-opener for the mass. i know my art is good when others copy me or are inspired by it. i'm the spark that starts their fire, let their creative juices flow.

but there is a difference between being technically able to create and being artistically inclined to materialize the visions and the dreams of a creative mind.
the first one requires applying learned skills, the second one requires stubbornly expressing what comes from the imagination in the dreaming visionary state.
the first one has a practical goal in mind, the second one has an urge to communicate inner worlds.

removing all emotions from the situation i am in, my mind is searching for solutions. being spiritual nurtures me but does not feed me (yet). How can i create a way to have both, to be both?
it's the belief in my own value that i have to call forth and show.

So today the only thing i can ascertain in writing is: "i am an artist, i am an artist, i am an artist."
so much i know. i am a highly intelligent artist, my heart is coupled with a business vision nobody has. what good can it materialize in my life? find it! i need to find it!

does an artist create money as unseen Art the same way she can create a mood, a scenery, an abstract concept of beauty?
Is it the same creation process? Visualize, feel, create..