lifeisaninnerjourney

Tuesday, June 30th 7:52 p.m. Each food ingested has the taste of pleasure, on a physical and emotional level. Memories of good time abound, washing clean all the deep residues of depression felt lately. Comfort is felt in every cell of my organism. I am so, so, so alive and kicking!

La pluie, les nuages qui pèsent au-dessus de nous, un orage carabiné hier en fin d'après-midi, avec éclairs fulgurants et coups de tonnerre tonitruants... Brigitte dit que nous avons traversé beaucoup de tempêtes tropicales ces derniers temps et que la saison cyclonique s'annonce plus chargée qu'à l'accoutumée... Seth disait hier soir (dans le livre: "Seth Speaks") que l'inconscient collectif était créateur de la météo, que nos pensées violentes en tant qu'humains influençaient la nature, lui dictant sa violence et ses dérèglements se convertissant en cyclônes, tremblements de terre, sécheresse, innondations... En restant sereine j'aiderai donc la Nature à en faire de même. Et s'il n'y a que moi pour y croire, qu'importe? La peur me rend malade et la paix me donne la santé... Le bons sens veut que j'agisse de manière à n'avoir que des pensées positives, créatives... Tout ira bien alors dans mon monde... Pourquoi vivre autre...

Clic. Déclic. Quelque chose s'est amorçé dans ma tête. Le minuteur du temps. Tout le monde est pressé autour de moi, courant en tous sens pour rattraper du temps, "gagner" du temps. Moi, du temps, j'en ai à revendre, et je reste là à m'appitoyer sur mon sort, à me plaindre que je n'ai aucune passion à vivre, que le quotidien m'emmerde, que je ne suis plus rien qu'un bateau dérivant. A le répèter, je vais le devenir si ça continue comme ça...  Nouveau livre écrit surtout au moyen de lettres. Marc Lévy: "Où es-tu?"

Friday June 25 7:38 a.m. Everything is in the mind, I confirm, Dr. Weill, I am a witness! In me, and in others... Reading a new Guillaume Musso: "Je reviens te chercher", engulfing you in the story with the first 3 pages (as usual with Musso). A real talent to paint human emotions with very few words, in short sentences full of meaning.  Stories always happening in New York or San Francisco, in opulent places, financial success stories, complicated hospital procedures involving coma or dramatic health surgeries, which tire me a bit. (deja vu) Imaginary situations between life and death, complete with resuscitation... Far fetched stories out of the ordinary. I love the emotion of love told in his words. Best sellers for sure. But I also have a down to earth scientific approach with "Health and Healing" to keep grounding me in this reality... which I do need.

Tuesday June 20 10:13 a.m. Read 2 books from Marc Levy back to back: "Et si c'etait vrai" and "Vous Revoir". Feeling relaxed, mellow, appeased, still in their dream land. Which is a more fuzzy feeling than oppressed, worried, lost felt 2 days before.. Birds are frantically singing, apart from that the background is quiet in this residence and I enjoy the respite from the outside world. Sooner or later, I'll have to go to work and go back to the noisy "real" world, and this time off is necessary and more than welcome. 5:42 p.m. After the fiction read lately, "Health and Healing" feels right home in my preferred reality. For me, there has been no choice for a very long time. No money, no health insurance require a serious knowledge on the body's workings. Dr. Weiss strangely ascertains (and many doctors agree) that most of medicine is of a placebo effect, the method not being important if the chemistry between the sick and th...

Sunday June 20 5:43 a.m. One of these "Hollywood" moments with a dramatic sunrise made of red sky on blue with black heavy clouds lasting only a few blessed minutes, until the sun rises, transforming the red in golden stripes and hues. One of these glorious mornings where the presence of the Creator can be felt and I know I'll be fine, today, tomorrow, forever if I can keep my faith. The yellow t-shirt from my daughter still holds her scent, a perfume from Victoria Secret. I folded it and placed it in the big yellow box on which I wrote one day: "What is in here IS."Symbol of my dreams, this box was to hold everything I held dear to my heart. Especially dreams... Conceived at the time I was reading (and faithfully practicing the ways of Abraham in "Ask and It is Given.") Sometimes, we make "involuntary" choices out of laziness, not to shake the status quo, to dive in the unknown. Swift action is always recommended when ...

Friday June 18 7:23 p.m. Moving 6 times in 2 years kept me on edge, too disgusted to even care opening all my boxes. But today I dared throw away clothes, shoes, books, keeping only a few. I know them all for having chosen them with care over the years, found during the few travels I enjoyed outside of the Caribbean. Spooky as it sounds, I'm putting my life in order, keeping only everyday essentials or objects of beauty that soothe my soul. Owning stuff is the last of my priorities. The day I have money like before, I will stay the same way. I've discovered over countless moves that things own you and slow your journey...  Photos are the last draw. Looking at them, my heart skips a beat, my belly hurts with a huge emptiness I cannot understand. That time is gone and in its place I find a big yearning like a claw smashing my lungs. The will to breathe is not there, and yet life keeps me in its grip, helping me stay afloat among this sea of grief. With no immediate goal t...